Lily's Birth

Okay, so I'm kind of going back in time, but I figure I'll backtrack when I can, but try to focus more on being current.

Lily Dorothy Baer was born on August 29, 2010, weighing 7 lbs 3 oz. I just saw a newborn baby yesterday who also weighed in the 7 lb range and I cannot believe Lily was ever that small. She is a chunko now. We picked the name Lily because it reminded us of our trip to Israel where the red lilies of the field were in season and dotted some of the grassy areas, Gethsemane in particular. We liked being reminded that the Lord will always take care of us, just as he does the lilies, and how their red color symbolizes his atonement. The name brings back to us all the spiritual experiences we had on our trip to Israel. And the name Dorothy comes from.....my mama! She was honored to have us name her Dorothy, but then said, "are you sure?" I wanted to have my little girl remember her granny dot and all the good things about her and I wanted my mom to be represented in one of my children. It will be wonderful one day to tell her about who she is named after and why. The only problem is we sometimes get the name confused. When Jeff announced Lily's birth in testimony meeting he said Lily Dorothy DeVore (DeVore just naturally comes after Dorothy after having said it for so many years). So we were all worried he'd say the wrong name for her blessing. And then when I made my first post I wrote her name as Dorothy Lily Baer (not sure why), but the name has obviously been tricky for us to get right :)

Anyway, back to the birth story. The 28th was a very long day, we attended the temple, ran many errands and then went to the adult session of stake conference. I think this is one of my last photos as a pregnant woman.

I was extremely uncomfortable and told Jeff that I would be happy to deliver any day (I was due on the 31st). Well, Lily was seeking to be the perfect child and thought she'd start out by coming when I asked. So my water broke that night and I delivered the next day! Jeff and I were exhausted, but once that epidural hit I was going through those contractions with ease, until of course the real pushing started. Jeff was great and modeled breathing for me (he was a very good student in the labor and delivery class we took....though when we watched a video on giving birth I looked over and saw his eyes closed. I thought he was asleep but he was praying I'd have a good labor...he was a little traumatized). The only complaint came when he about fainted while I was pushing and the doctor and nurse had to attend to him just as I was getting a contraction. And let me tell you, you want your helpers around when you get a pushing contraction. We had a worry that I might have to have a c-section because Lily's head was not dropping, but after prayers and a blessing, she decided she was ready to take the plunge. My thumbs up is due to her head dropping.

I was so happy to have Lily out and to hold her. I kept saying "my baby, she's so beautiful" and other positive things. Turns out that Jeff was thinking she looked like an alien (I won't post the picture that shows how he could have thought this) so he was relieved to know that I loved her and was happy with her.

Because my blood type is B- and Lily is RH positive, there was a concern for jaundice, so we had to wake her up often and feed her. She also had to get her blood drawn to check her bilirubin levels and that was sad. She screamed and kicked and the lab tech said she was a strong one, so he thought she'd be smart and independent (funny how much you can tell by a scream and a kick!).

I was very happy my mom came for that first week home. She was a HUGE help and it was nice to just have a friend, a companion that first week. It's so lonely and exhausting, so I don't know what I would have done without her. Plus Jeff would probably not have had any clean clothes or food and that would have made him sad :(

That was a brutul week. I have never felt so tired emotionally and physically. Nursing did not come easily for me and I was not quite sure how I was supposed to keep doing it. And the nighttime feedings where I felt like I could not get up one more time. And a whole slew of other things. The wonderful thing is that now, while I remember how hard it was, there is no pain associated with that memory. Nursing is easy and while I am still tired, I can function like a semi-normal adult most of the time. I never thought I'd be to this point, but giving something time can really do wonders. I remember that for the first 6 weeks every time I thought about the whole pushing/labor experience I shuddered and quickly tried to stop thinking about it. But my PTSD is now resolved and I feel that I can indeed do this again.